You know the type. The drinks took forever. The lighting is either too dim or too bright. The steak is somehow both overcooked and too rare. The music? Obnoxious. The wine? "Pedestrian." And don’t even get them started on the weather. That’s clearly your fault, too.
Some guests don’t just have a chip on their shoulder—they carry a Costco-sized bag of grievances with them. So, what’s a hospitality pro to do when you’re dealing with a guest who seems absolutely committed to not having a good time?
Let’s break it down—science, sanity, and just a dash of snark.
1. Breathe Like a Brain Boss
When you're face-to-face with a truly difficult guest, your amygdala (the brain’s alarm system) lights up. Because the brain’s first job is to keep you alive, all of your cognitive resources are diverted to your survival brain. That’s fight-or-flight in action.
Since assault and emotional meltdowns are generally frowned upon, the smarter move is to stop and breathe. Take a breath. Then take another. Give your prefrontal cortex (a.k.a. your logic center) a chance to clock in before your emotional brain steals the show.
But, here’s the deal: It’s not about you.
Nine times out of ten, that guest’s bad mood isn’t about your food, your playlist, or the check. It’s about them. You just happen to be the unlucky human standing between them and the baggage they haven’t finished unpacking.
2. Empathy Without Enabling
Empathy is your backstage pass to connection—but it doesn’t mean you become a doormat in dress shoes. You can validate someone’s experience without validating their drama.
Try this: “I’m so sorry you’re disappointed. Let’s see what we can do to make it better.”
That one sentence says: “I hear you. I care. But I’m not joining your emotional sinkhole.”
If they keep escalating? Stay calm. Stay kind. Think of yourself as a hospitality hostage negotiator. Your mission: Defuse, don’t debate. You’re never going to rewire their worldview.
3. Document. De-escalate. Defend the Energy.
Sometimes you're not dealing with a bad day—you're dealing with a professional complainer. You know who I’m talking about. The folks who collect comps like frequent flyer miles.
Here’s your play:
· Take notes.
· Loop in leadership.
· Be clear and consistent with what you can do to satisfy them.
And if all else fails, this is your exit strategy: “We want every guest to have a great experience. I’m sorry we weren’t able to meet your expectations today.”
Then let it go. Don’t dwell on it. Look for the next guest you can make happy.
The Gold Standard: Grace Under Fire
Hospitality isn’t tested in the easy moments. It’s tested when you’re face-to-face with someone who refuses to be pleased—and you still show up with kindness, professionalism, and maybe even a little humor. Most guests don’t expect perfection. But they do expect to feel seen, heard, and respected.
And sometimes the grumpiest guest? They’re just having the worst day of their life.
You can’t fix it. But you can see them, hear them and respect them. After that you can also choose not to let them poison the vibe for everyone else.
Dr. Melissa Hughes is a dynamic keynote speaker known for blending cutting-edge brain science with contagious energy, humor, and heart. A leading voice in neuroscience-based leadership and performance, she delivers unforgettable keynotes that spark mindset shifts, boost engagement, and drive measurable, lasting transformation. Learn more at MelissaHughes.rocks.
