I did something I didn’t think I would do (yet). I got my 10-year-old a cell phone.
I’m definitely (or at least I was) in the camp of holding off on screen time as much as possible for my kids. Set TV time, set iPad time, smart watch just when leaving the house, but now adding a phone? It felt like crossing into new territory. Because while it used to be relatively easy to control screen time at home when “screen time” basically meant the TV, now we have iPads, iPhones, smart watches and yes, still the Samsung TV. We live in a culture where sometimes there are three screens going at once. And I’m not innocent here. But to add another phone into the mix? (And side bar, does anyone else think it’s crazy to watch someone watching a TV show or movie ON THEIR PHONE when there is a perfectly good, turned-off TV sitting a few feet in front of them!???)
However, Zach started middle school this year. He walks home from school, and he also walks his little brother home from Kindergarten. All good reasons for a cell phone. But there was something else he said to me that hit (as the kids say). He felt left out socially. There were group chats with kids from school, and when they were together in person, they had inside jokes and conversations that had started in those chats, and he was on the outside of them. And yes, there are a million ways to talk around that and explain that you don’t need to be part of everything, but at the end of the day, the social exclusion that can come from social media, group chats and phones is real. And if it affects Zach, it therefore affects me.
Prior to buying the phone, we also saw Toy Story 5. If anything was going to get a grown woman to play with Barbies again (and yes, I mean me, I’m not even hiding that), it was that movie. But it was also a very real representation of how mobile devices, which theoretically should keep people connected, can actually tear them apart. We have more ways to reach each other than ever before, yet somehow we’ve also gotten really good at sitting next to each other without actually being together.
So, we got Zach a phone. We put rules around usage. He’s part of the group chats, but he’s also using the phone to make IN-PERSON, SCREEN-FREE plans. That is my favorite rule. Use the phone to make the plans, then put the phone away and actually do the plans. Win, win?
Ok Julie, good for you (or we’re judging you), but what’s your point?
Phones have become an extra seat at the restaurant table. Let’s start with some of the “fun” ways phones join us for dinner. We take food photos. The phone eats first, right? My personal favorite use? I like to look up photos of dishes on Instagram to help me decide what to order. But then there’s the other side of it. A group of people goes out to eat dinner together and instead of connecting, every diner is head down in their phones, scrolling TikTok, Instagram or whatever else is apparently more interesting than the actual humans sitting across from them. (And no, a cranky toddler on an iPad at a restaurant to prevent a full-blown screaming situation does not count. That is survival, not screen time.) Back to the adults on their phones at restaurants. This happens ALL THE TIME.
This is where I think restaurants have an increasingly important role to play. Restaurants have always been about more than food. We celebrate birthdays there. We have first dates there. We close deals there. We meet old friends there. We have uncomfortable conversations there. We laugh too loudly there. We stay for one more drink there. Hospitality creates a reason for us to sit across from another human being for an hour or two and actually be together. In a world where almost everything else is becoming more digital, automated and on-demand, restaurants remain one of the few places where the entire point is still to show up in person.
That my dear readers is what makes protecting that connection more important than ever. I’m not suggesting restaurants start confiscating phones at the host stand (although there are actually restaurants doing versions of that). I’m also not suggesting we stop taking pictures of our food, posting where we are, answering the babysitter or responding to something that genuinely can’t wait. Our phones are part of our lives, and they’re part of the restaurant experience now too. QR codes, mobile ordering, loyalty apps, digital payments, Instagram, reservations. Technology has made hospitality better in a million ways. But I’m standing by the statement that the best technology in hospitality is the technology that helps get us to the table...but once the photos are taken… put it away!
And there are some interesting facts to supporty thesis. A recent Resy survey of frequent U.S. diners found that 40% of Gen Z respondents said being on your phone during dinner is completely unacceptable, and 61% of Gen Z and millennials called being “glued to your phone” the most awkward dinner behavior. Even more interesting, researchers actually tested this. In a study of more than 300 people sharing restaurant meals with friends or family, participants were randomly assigned to either keep their phones accessible on the table or put them away. The researchers found that phone use increased distraction and reduced how much people enjoyed their face-to-face interactions. (Resy | Right This Way)
Think about that. We spend all this time in hospitality talking about creating an experience. The lighting. The music. The service. The menu. The design. The table setting. The technology. The vibe. We obsess over every detail that might make people want to come together, and then they sit down and stare at a five-inch screen.
Last night, Branded hosted a dinner at FSTEC. As I looked around a room of 25 restaurant and foodservice executives… I noticed something. Not one person was on their phone. Twenty-five people who are busy, who have emails coming in, texts waiting, teams needing them, kids checking in (Zach is a frequent dinner FaceTime caller), Slack messages, group chats, Instagram notifications and probably 437 unread emails (or maybe that’s just me). And yet, everyone was talking. Laughing. Listening. Connecting. It made me smile. It also inspired this article.
That’s the irony of all of this. I bought my son a phone because I wanted him to feel more connected. But one of the first things I taught him was to use that phone to make plans to put the phone away.
And I hope restaurants will continue to do the same thing for all of us.
Use the app to find the restaurant. Use the phone to make the reservation. Text the group chat to figure out who’s coming. Pull up Instagram to decide between the chicken and the pasta. Take the food photo (because obviously). Then put the phone down….because… the best connection at the table still doesn’t require Wi-Fi.
And unlike my 10-year-old, hopefully the rest of us don’t need our moms to set a screen-time limit.
